i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
