I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
