I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
