i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize