she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
