I cockslap morals
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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