He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize