We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My dick has a subreddit
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
