I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
