it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize