he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
