While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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