I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
