Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
