Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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