I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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