My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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