even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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