Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
