Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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