Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
