I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
