fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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