im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
