i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
