I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
