We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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