Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
