And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
