I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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