Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
