she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
