Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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