Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize