my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
