Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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