I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
