Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
