I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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