I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
