Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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