Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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