When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize