Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
