Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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