Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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