Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
