So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
