I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
