u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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