Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
