I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
