I'm lost and stupid without you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
