I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
