Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
