just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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