You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Found the puke drawer
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize