pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
