is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
