I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
