Non-Jews are for practice
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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