Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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