i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
3pm strippers are depressing
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
