Sponge bath it is.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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