his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize