i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
