If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
