Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
