Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my shit smells like andre
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
